A year ago today, we brought S home for the first time.
Stupidly, J and I decided to go to work for a half a day that day. I'm not exactly sure why, because we certainly weren't going to get any work done. It did give me a chance to talk to my HR department about time off, and grab a few things from my office. Around lunchtime we met at home, and J strapped the car seat into the car. Of course, he put it behind the driver's seat, and he has long legs, so that meant I was driving.
S's birthmom didn't have a going-home outfit for S, so we went through our small stash of baby clothes to find something cute. The only "cute" outfit we had was a 6-9 month size, and we (again stupidly) thought it would fit just fine on a not-quite 7-pound baby.
We headed to the hospital and waited for the social worker to arrive. We all headed up to the hospital room and started the process of getting S home. Her birthmom signed some papers. The nurse handed us all sorts of stuff. We put a ginormous sleeper on a tiny baby. J and the nurse negotiated getting S into her car seat. The nurse said we needed to make sure the angle of the seat was right, "or the baby can fall forward and suffocate". Great. S's birthmom and I exchanged panicked glances, and the nurse quietly recommended that someone ride in back with her.
S's birthmom, having already given us the greatest gift we could imagine, gave us a present. A present. Can you believe it? It was a beautiful figurine of a couple with a little baby. We were so, so touched.
We all took the elevator down together, and said our last goodbyes to S's birthmom and her mom. There were tears and promises to see each other soon.
We got into our car and headed home. S's giant hat kept slipping over her eyes, so J spent most of the drive uncovering them. We stopped for a bite at Sonic, and S got hungry. J gave her his first bottle there. I looked over and saw a car full of teenagers and realized how different our lives were at that moment.
We got home and realized we still didn't have a crib mattress. J left me alone in the living room with a newborn and headed to WalMart. He got a mattress, a bedding set, and every item of clothing that said newborn on it. I don't remember the rest of the night. Something about trying to put her in her crib, then bringing her into bed when that didn't work. J created a nest of blankets for her, and she slept for 4 or 5 hours.
And so began parenthood...
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Reliving The Call
A year ago today, we got The Call that we were going to be S's parents.
It started out like any other day. J and I were getting over a monster cold, and I still had a nasty cough. I attended a mind-numbing meeting that wasn't really relevant to my project at the time, and headed back to my desk. I stopped to talk to our editor, and heard my phone ringing. I figured, "Oh, I'll just check messages when I get done, it's probably no big deal."
I finally wandered back to my office and checked my e-mail. There was one from J that said "Call me. We got matched. It's an emergency".
Eeee! I called J on his cell phone, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Do you want to be a mommy?" I wanted to yell, "Yes!"
He gave me a ton of details, and my boss wandered in to drop something off. I finished up with J and said, "We got matched!" I called our social worker to tell her we were on our way, and she gave me more details. The baby had already been born, her birthmom was firm in her adoption plan, and she had picked our profile. She wanted to meet that afternoon. As people trickled by my office, I got to share the good news. We called our parents.
[Interesting aside: a couple of weeks before this, I'd sent a list of phone numbers for our social worker to call in this situation. I just *knew* that J would be unavailable, so I gave her a long list of numbers to reach me, and a short list of numbers to reach J. Our social worker couldn't get a hold of me that day, but J answered on the first ring. Go figure.]
An hour later I was on my way home. J met me there and we tried to figure out what would be a good gift for S's birthmom and her mom, who was spending time with her in the hospital. We called a local florist and tried to explain that we needed 2 floral bouquets in the next 20 minutes. I asked J to throw all of our collected baby clothes in the wash, because we'd need them soon.
We drove 2 hours to the hospital, and waited as the social worker for S's birthmom made her way through rush-hour traffic to meet up with us. We sat in the parking lot while I called my HR department, and I canceled my weekend waxing appointment (I have priorities, ya know). We headed inside and waited some more. We glanced at the magazines in the hospital lobby.
The social worker finally arrived, and we headed up to the maternity ward. We met the cutest, sweetest, young woman and her mom. We chatted. We talked about S's birth story. We talked about what her birthmom did for a living. We talked about us. We talked about our families. We talked, and talked, and talked.
A nurse brought S in. She looked SO tiny. We asked if we could hold her, and her birthmom said absolutely. She was a light as a feather. The next thing I knew, J was chilling in a hospital chair with a little bundle on his chest.
We overwent our "allotted" chatting time by about a half hour, we were getting along so well. The social worker finally told us that we had to head out so we could sign paperwork at our agency office.
We got in the car and drove over an hour to our office, where our social worker was waiting with a mountain of paperwork. Most of which said that we were now responsible for another human being, and also noting that we could take her home the next day. Around 9pm, we headed home, put the baby clothes in the dryer, and tried to sleep. Because we were in for another really--big--day...
It started out like any other day. J and I were getting over a monster cold, and I still had a nasty cough. I attended a mind-numbing meeting that wasn't really relevant to my project at the time, and headed back to my desk. I stopped to talk to our editor, and heard my phone ringing. I figured, "Oh, I'll just check messages when I get done, it's probably no big deal."
I finally wandered back to my office and checked my e-mail. There was one from J that said "Call me. We got matched. It's an emergency".
Eeee! I called J on his cell phone, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Do you want to be a mommy?" I wanted to yell, "Yes!"
He gave me a ton of details, and my boss wandered in to drop something off. I finished up with J and said, "We got matched!" I called our social worker to tell her we were on our way, and she gave me more details. The baby had already been born, her birthmom was firm in her adoption plan, and she had picked our profile. She wanted to meet that afternoon. As people trickled by my office, I got to share the good news. We called our parents.
[Interesting aside: a couple of weeks before this, I'd sent a list of phone numbers for our social worker to call in this situation. I just *knew* that J would be unavailable, so I gave her a long list of numbers to reach me, and a short list of numbers to reach J. Our social worker couldn't get a hold of me that day, but J answered on the first ring. Go figure.]
An hour later I was on my way home. J met me there and we tried to figure out what would be a good gift for S's birthmom and her mom, who was spending time with her in the hospital. We called a local florist and tried to explain that we needed 2 floral bouquets in the next 20 minutes. I asked J to throw all of our collected baby clothes in the wash, because we'd need them soon.
We drove 2 hours to the hospital, and waited as the social worker for S's birthmom made her way through rush-hour traffic to meet up with us. We sat in the parking lot while I called my HR department, and I canceled my weekend waxing appointment (I have priorities, ya know). We headed inside and waited some more. We glanced at the magazines in the hospital lobby.
The social worker finally arrived, and we headed up to the maternity ward. We met the cutest, sweetest, young woman and her mom. We chatted. We talked about S's birth story. We talked about what her birthmom did for a living. We talked about us. We talked about our families. We talked, and talked, and talked.
A nurse brought S in. She looked SO tiny. We asked if we could hold her, and her birthmom said absolutely. She was a light as a feather. The next thing I knew, J was chilling in a hospital chair with a little bundle on his chest.
We overwent our "allotted" chatting time by about a half hour, we were getting along so well. The social worker finally told us that we had to head out so we could sign paperwork at our agency office.
We got in the car and drove over an hour to our office, where our social worker was waiting with a mountain of paperwork. Most of which said that we were now responsible for another human being, and also noting that we could take her home the next day. Around 9pm, we headed home, put the baby clothes in the dryer, and tried to sleep. Because we were in for another really--big--day...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Adoption and Social Security
It's been an interesting few months when it comes to S's Social Security card.
When S was born, the uber-efficient hospital sent her information to the Social Security Administration. Two weeks later, S's birthmom got her SS card. She told us about it last June, and our agency's lawyer said we could do a name change once the adoption was finalized. Great.
S's adoption was finalized in October, and we received her new birth certificate with her new name in December-ish. At that point we started the hunt for S's SS card. We knew it was either with her birthmom or with the agency. We figured since S already had a number, it was going to be easier just to change the name on the card. Ha!
Well, we worked with one social worker in one office, and S's birthmom worked with another social worker in another office. So they had to coordinate to find out where the card was (S's birthmom had sent it to them months ago) and how to get it to us. And they had to make sure it was OK with S's birthmom, who by the way was the one who told us about it. Minor chaos ensued.
We finally got her original SS card last week. Which meant a trip to the SSA office near us to get a name change. I was not looking forward to this. When we got married, I went to an office near us. It was old, crowded, and had a single person processing everyone. One person! I ended up waiting about 3.5 hours for a 20-second transaction. I was hoping for better this time.
The first sign that things would go better was the new location. It turns out there's an office even closer to us, and it was lovely. Huge, bright, clean, and there were only 3 people waiting. Awesome. After 15 minutes we were called up to the window and I inundated the poor lady with every piece of adoption paperwork we had in our possession. 10 minutes later we had everything done, and S will get a new card in the mail soon.
Bonus: the security guard there said S was the best behaved baby he'd seen in that office in 10 years.
When S was born, the uber-efficient hospital sent her information to the Social Security Administration. Two weeks later, S's birthmom got her SS card. She told us about it last June, and our agency's lawyer said we could do a name change once the adoption was finalized. Great.
S's adoption was finalized in October, and we received her new birth certificate with her new name in December-ish. At that point we started the hunt for S's SS card. We knew it was either with her birthmom or with the agency. We figured since S already had a number, it was going to be easier just to change the name on the card. Ha!
Well, we worked with one social worker in one office, and S's birthmom worked with another social worker in another office. So they had to coordinate to find out where the card was (S's birthmom had sent it to them months ago) and how to get it to us. And they had to make sure it was OK with S's birthmom, who by the way was the one who told us about it. Minor chaos ensued.
We finally got her original SS card last week. Which meant a trip to the SSA office near us to get a name change. I was not looking forward to this. When we got married, I went to an office near us. It was old, crowded, and had a single person processing everyone. One person! I ended up waiting about 3.5 hours for a 20-second transaction. I was hoping for better this time.
The first sign that things would go better was the new location. It turns out there's an office even closer to us, and it was lovely. Huge, bright, clean, and there were only 3 people waiting. Awesome. After 15 minutes we were called up to the window and I inundated the poor lady with every piece of adoption paperwork we had in our possession. 10 minutes later we had everything done, and S will get a new card in the mail soon.
Bonus: the security guard there said S was the best behaved baby he'd seen in that office in 10 years.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Adoption Awareness Month!
November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and we're so excited to be able to celebrate it with S this year. In honor of this month, there's a calendar with adoption-related activities to do with your family each day. We're going to try and do as many as we can, and I'm going to post a little bit about each activity every day.
Today, November 1, is "Read an adoption-specific book". We have quite the variety of books for S. Some are about adoption, some are not. We have the standard collection of Winnie the Pooh, Sandra Boynton, nursery rhymes, shapes and colors, and of course our favorite, Knuffle Bunny. But my favorite adoption book is "I Wished for You: an Adoption Story". It's kind of long, so we usually don't get through the whole thing with S, but it tells our story pretty closely.
So tonight, "I Wished for You" is on her bedtime reading list. And of course, during her bedtime prayers, we will pray for her birthmom and her family, who gave us this wonderful gift.
Today, November 1, is "Read an adoption-specific book". We have quite the variety of books for S. Some are about adoption, some are not. We have the standard collection of Winnie the Pooh, Sandra Boynton, nursery rhymes, shapes and colors, and of course our favorite, Knuffle Bunny. But my favorite adoption book is "I Wished for You: an Adoption Story". It's kind of long, so we usually don't get through the whole thing with S, but it tells our story pretty closely.
So tonight, "I Wished for You" is on her bedtime reading list. And of course, during her bedtime prayers, we will pray for her birthmom and her family, who gave us this wonderful gift.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Big, big day
We finalized S's adoption today!
We drove down Monday night so we wouldn't have to get up before dawn on Tuesday morning. We still got up before dawn on Tuesday morning, we just didn't have to drive as far.
We made our way to the courthouse in the rain, parking just in time to head in to our court appearance. We met up with our lawyer, and after a brief wait, we were ushered into court.
The judge had each of us "testify", which basically meant we took a seat in the witness stand and confirmed basic information like our birthdates, birthplaces, when and where we were married, when S was born, and when she came to us. After going over all the information, our lawyer requested finalization of the adoption, and the judge agreed!
Then we posed for pictures.
To celebrate, we headed to Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby and got a convertible car seat and baby gates for the next stage of S's life. And a few toys and clothes, of course.
We are all super tired, but super happy to officially, and forever, be a family.
We drove down Monday night so we wouldn't have to get up before dawn on Tuesday morning. We still got up before dawn on Tuesday morning, we just didn't have to drive as far.
We made our way to the courthouse in the rain, parking just in time to head in to our court appearance. We met up with our lawyer, and after a brief wait, we were ushered into court.
The judge had each of us "testify", which basically meant we took a seat in the witness stand and confirmed basic information like our birthdates, birthplaces, when and where we were married, when S was born, and when she came to us. After going over all the information, our lawyer requested finalization of the adoption, and the judge agreed!
Then we posed for pictures.
To celebrate, we headed to Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby and got a convertible car seat and baby gates for the next stage of S's life. And a few toys and clothes, of course.
We are all super tired, but super happy to officially, and forever, be a family.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Big day, and an adoption update
Our little girl turned 6 months old yesterday.
That's right: half a year
She's been so much fun to hang out with these days. She's started to say DaDaDaDa... almost constantly. And if she's not doing that, she's blowing raspberries 3 different ways (tongue out, blowing bubbles, or with a funky overbite). She's been able to get up on all fours and rock, though locomotion is still a little ways off. She's tried rice cereal, sweet potatoes, peas, bananas, apples, and pears, and loved them all. She's over 16 pounds and is the cutest thing you ever did see.
That's right: half a year
She's been so much fun to hang out with these days. She's started to say DaDaDaDa... almost constantly. And if she's not doing that, she's blowing raspberries 3 different ways (tongue out, blowing bubbles, or with a funky overbite). She's been able to get up on all fours and rock, though locomotion is still a little ways off. She's tried rice cereal, sweet potatoes, peas, bananas, apples, and pears, and loved them all. She's over 16 pounds and is the cutest thing you ever did see.
We are also inching our way closer to finalizing her adoption. On Thursday, the adoption agency's lawyer appeared in court to terminate the birthfather's parental rights. It went off without a hitch. He was also able to schedule the finalization date for mid-October. We are very excited!
So, that's all that's happening here. S is napping, and later on we're going to head downtown for their annual outdoor festival. We'll check in later.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Second post placement visit
I can't believe I forgot to post about this.
In March, I entered this post about our first post-placement visit with our social worker from the adoption agency.
The second one was last Monday, and it was just as easy peasy. Just not as crowded. Our social worker came solo, and was amazed at how much S has changed in 2 months. She walked in the living room and S grinned at her. It was perfect.
We talked about how the last couple of months have gone, who's come to see her, where she's gone, how her health has been, and what her 2 month dr appointment was like. The social worker asked about any issues of stress in our lives, and I couldn't really say there were any. Over and above the occasional frustration when S won't sleep (even though she's super tired) or has an off day. Once again I was hoping for a picture of S with our social worker, but she got cranky and crashed not long after Tammy got here, so we'll try for next time. By then S may be holding up her head all by herself.
The next (and last!) visit is scheduled for July. But it may get moved up if finalization happens sooner, as the law office is telling us.
In March, I entered this post about our first post-placement visit with our social worker from the adoption agency.
The second one was last Monday, and it was just as easy peasy. Just not as crowded. Our social worker came solo, and was amazed at how much S has changed in 2 months. She walked in the living room and S grinned at her. It was perfect.
We talked about how the last couple of months have gone, who's come to see her, where she's gone, how her health has been, and what her 2 month dr appointment was like. The social worker asked about any issues of stress in our lives, and I couldn't really say there were any. Over and above the occasional frustration when S won't sleep (even though she's super tired) or has an off day. Once again I was hoping for a picture of S with our social worker, but she got cranky and crashed not long after Tammy got here, so we'll try for next time. By then S may be holding up her head all by herself.
The next (and last!) visit is scheduled for July. But it may get moved up if finalization happens sooner, as the law office is telling us.
Monday, March 15, 2010
First post placement visit
We had our first post-placement visit with our agency today. Most agencies do 2 to 3 visits after a baby is placed for adoption to make sure everything is going well, everyone is adjusting, and to address any questions or issues that may arise.
Our main social worker came, along with another SW from the same office (she was here for our final homestudy visit) and an intern. Quite the crowd!
The visit was easy peasy. S had some mildly cranky moments before everyone arrived, but was happily having her late morning bottle by the time they came through the door. She was wide awake and eating like a champ when they first got here, and slipped into a formula coma shortly thereafter ;) It was the first time any of them had met her, and she charmed them completely.
We settled in and talked about how things were going. How she was eating and sleeping (big A+ on both of those), how her first doctor's appointment went, how we were adjusting to parenthood. We admitted that we lucked out big time with the easiest baby ever. J showed off his brag book that he's taking to work, and the videos we took of J and S "exercising" the other night. The ladies laughed so hard I thought they were going to cry. I can't wait to upload them to share. They are just precious.
We got some more information that the birthmom provided to the agency--what her life is like, her favorite things to do, personality traits, etc. It's a very special resource, and we can't wait to share it with S as she grows up so she can find out more about what a great birthmom she has.
After about an hour, everything was wrapped up and we waved goodbye to our social workers. They'll be back in May to see how things continue to go with us.
I forgot to get a picture of S with her social worker, but maybe we can work on that for our May visit. In the meantime, Daddy went back to work and S and I are spending the afternoon together. Life is good.
Our main social worker came, along with another SW from the same office (she was here for our final homestudy visit) and an intern. Quite the crowd!
The visit was easy peasy. S had some mildly cranky moments before everyone arrived, but was happily having her late morning bottle by the time they came through the door. She was wide awake and eating like a champ when they first got here, and slipped into a formula coma shortly thereafter ;) It was the first time any of them had met her, and she charmed them completely.
We settled in and talked about how things were going. How she was eating and sleeping (big A+ on both of those), how her first doctor's appointment went, how we were adjusting to parenthood. We admitted that we lucked out big time with the easiest baby ever. J showed off his brag book that he's taking to work, and the videos we took of J and S "exercising" the other night. The ladies laughed so hard I thought they were going to cry. I can't wait to upload them to share. They are just precious.
We got some more information that the birthmom provided to the agency--what her life is like, her favorite things to do, personality traits, etc. It's a very special resource, and we can't wait to share it with S as she grows up so she can find out more about what a great birthmom she has.
After about an hour, everything was wrapped up and we waved goodbye to our social workers. They'll be back in May to see how things continue to go with us.
I forgot to get a picture of S with her social worker, but maybe we can work on that for our May visit. In the meantime, Daddy went back to work and S and I are spending the afternoon together. Life is good.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
What a difference a day makes
See that post below? Adoption update, 2 situations fell through. Uh huh. Little did I know that J would be e-mailing me frantically on Thursday morning telling me we had a match.
Yep, that's right, we're parents! A little girl was born early Wednesday morning and her birthmom picked us to be her mom and dad. We met the birthmom, her mom, and our daughter (still getting used to saying/thinking/typing that) on Thursday night, signed a lot of paperwork reiterating that she would soon become our responsibility (yay!), tried to sleep, tied up some things at work, and went to get her Friday afternoon.
We love the birthmom. She and her mom were wonderful, warm people. And the birthmom is smart as a whip. We couldn't have asked for anything more. And of course have no way to express our gratitude for the amazing gift she gave us.
We brought our little girl home last night, with a pit stop at Sonic (she got her first bottle there), and are settling into brand new parenthood. Daddy has the magic touch. He hung out with her early this morning and she slept for 5 hours. Let's just say she was hungry when she got up.
Oh duh, I should post a picture!
Enjoy!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Adoption update
We had a couple of situations come up in the last few weeks. First was the out-of-state situation I mentioned in this post. I followed up today, and the young lady found an adoptive family in or near her hometown. So a very lucky couple will be parents in the next couple of weeks.
We feel really OK about it. I could tell from that first call that the birthmom was looking for someone closer to her. We're just happy to be considered.
We also had a situation come up through our agency. This was an emergency placement, which is when the birthmom decides to make an adoption plan after she has the baby, as opposed to a pre-birth adoption plan. It's a long story, but this situation fell through for us. Again, we're OK with it. We want a situation that everyone is comfortable with.
And because all of this has been happening of late, J decided we should be a tad more prepared in case The Call comes sooner rather than later. We're shopping for crib mattress, and more baby clothes so we have a stockpile. And since I love shopping, this has not been an issue.
And for even more news on the adoption front, J's coworker got a placement. She and her husband have been waiting almost 4 years for a match from China, which saw waits extend significantly after their earthquake. We are thrilled for this couple, who will be bringing their infant daughter home to the US soon. They had their homestudy done with our agency, and were the ones to recommended the agency to us when we were deciding on adoption.
So that's all for now. I'll post any updates when we hear something new.
We feel really OK about it. I could tell from that first call that the birthmom was looking for someone closer to her. We're just happy to be considered.
We also had a situation come up through our agency. This was an emergency placement, which is when the birthmom decides to make an adoption plan after she has the baby, as opposed to a pre-birth adoption plan. It's a long story, but this situation fell through for us. Again, we're OK with it. We want a situation that everyone is comfortable with.
And because all of this has been happening of late, J decided we should be a tad more prepared in case The Call comes sooner rather than later. We're shopping for crib mattress, and more baby clothes so we have a stockpile. And since I love shopping, this has not been an issue.
And for even more news on the adoption front, J's coworker got a placement. She and her husband have been waiting almost 4 years for a match from China, which saw waits extend significantly after their earthquake. We are thrilled for this couple, who will be bringing their infant daughter home to the US soon. They had their homestudy done with our agency, and were the ones to recommended the agency to us when we were deciding on adoption.
So that's all for now. I'll post any updates when we hear something new.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Adoption update
We have a potential situation with a birthmother in another state.
A friend of the family has been in contact with me since she and her husband adopted about 18 months ago. She let me know there is a woman due in March or April and has decided to make an adoption plan. I called her contact for information, but all we know at the moment is that she just decided on adoption. We obviously have a lot of questions, and want to make sure this is the right situation for everyone involved. I'm really hoping the young lady is talking to an agency or a lawyer, and that she is getting counseling for what is a monumental decision.
We're hoping to hear more this week so we can find out if this is something we want to pursue. If so, we would still work with our agency but in a slightly different capacity. And we'd have to link up with an agency or adoption attorney in the other state. So there is a lot to think about.
Just as a technical FYI, an interstate adoption works like this (in a nutshell): the baby is born in state A, and the adoptive parents go to state A. Legal paperwork must be filed so that the baby can go to state B with the adoptive parents. More legal paperwork must be filed so that state B will accept the baby into the state. The adoptive parents must stay in state A until all of this paperwork goes through, which usually takes several days.
Please send good thoughts and prayers that this will work out well for everyone.
A friend of the family has been in contact with me since she and her husband adopted about 18 months ago. She let me know there is a woman due in March or April and has decided to make an adoption plan. I called her contact for information, but all we know at the moment is that she just decided on adoption. We obviously have a lot of questions, and want to make sure this is the right situation for everyone involved. I'm really hoping the young lady is talking to an agency or a lawyer, and that she is getting counseling for what is a monumental decision.
We're hoping to hear more this week so we can find out if this is something we want to pursue. If so, we would still work with our agency but in a slightly different capacity. And we'd have to link up with an agency or adoption attorney in the other state. So there is a lot to think about.
Just as a technical FYI, an interstate adoption works like this (in a nutshell): the baby is born in state A, and the adoptive parents go to state A. Legal paperwork must be filed so that the baby can go to state B with the adoptive parents. More legal paperwork must be filed so that state B will accept the baby into the state. The adoptive parents must stay in state A until all of this paperwork goes through, which usually takes several days.
Please send good thoughts and prayers that this will work out well for everyone.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Adoption update
It's been almost 6 weeks since our profile went active, and I checked in with our social worker to see what was new. She shot me an e-mail today and said our profile had been shown 3 times already. What that means is that 3 birthfamilies looked at our profile and considered us as adoptive parents.
From the looks of it we were not chosen any of those 3 times, but the mere fact that we were already shown is, according to our social worker, "really, really good". We're hoping it's a sign that our perfect match happens sooner rather than later. If not, then we wait until our child comes to us. We know it may take some time. I am surprisingly calm about all of this. Though I have started to revisit our baby registry.
My co-worker said it's like being on match.com. She has a point!
From the looks of it we were not chosen any of those 3 times, but the mere fact that we were already shown is, according to our social worker, "really, really good". We're hoping it's a sign that our perfect match happens sooner rather than later. If not, then we wait until our child comes to us. We know it may take some time. I am surprisingly calm about all of this. Though I have started to revisit our baby registry.
My co-worker said it's like being on match.com. She has a point!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Adoption tax credit
This blog is not meant to be all-adoption-all-the-time, but I do plan to talk about adoption issues that are particularly close to my heart (wait until November, AKA National Adoption Awareness Month!). Today I wanted to talk about one of those issues.
There are a lot of different ways to adopt, from a lot of different places. People can adopt from the foster care system (and there are even different ways to foster-adopt), adopt internationally (eg, China, Russia), and adopt domestically. Foster adoption is a pretty low-cost option, but other types of adoption can get VERY expensive. In the case of international adoption, this is due in part to legal fees between 2 countries, care for the children before they come to the US, and travel costs. In the case of domestic adoption, this is due in part to legal fees associated with adoption in general, and in many cases in order to fund counseling that birthparents receive before and after the adoption. As you can imagine, this can be a difficult time for them, and they need all the support they can get.
While these fees are understandable, they can make adoption financially difficult for the average middle-class family. We were lucky: we sold a property and are using the proceeds to pay for adoption fees, and our employers both have adoption reimbursement programs that help subsidize the cost of adoption. And the government has an adoption tax credit. This tax credit, however, is scheduled to end this year. As a prospective adoptive parent, you can imagine that I'd like to see this continue. And having visited a lot of adoption message boards, and knowing what some adoptive parents have gone through to become parents, you can imagine that I want this available for them as well.
So I wrote to my Senator, Bob Casey. I explained that J and I were in the process of adopting, explained the fees that we were dealing with, and expressed the hope that he would support the extension of the tax credit.
Guess what--I heard back from him! It turns out he is sponsoring Senate bill S.2816, to increase the credit and to extend it to 2019. You can learn a little more about it here (including co-sponsors) and you can see Senator Casey's discussion of it here.
Maybe you'll read this and think, "Hmm, that's interesting, I didn't know about that." Maybe you'll want to learn more. Maybe you'll want to write to your senator and ask him or her to vote to extend the credit. It's up to you. I just wanted to write about it today.
There are a lot of different ways to adopt, from a lot of different places. People can adopt from the foster care system (and there are even different ways to foster-adopt), adopt internationally (eg, China, Russia), and adopt domestically. Foster adoption is a pretty low-cost option, but other types of adoption can get VERY expensive. In the case of international adoption, this is due in part to legal fees between 2 countries, care for the children before they come to the US, and travel costs. In the case of domestic adoption, this is due in part to legal fees associated with adoption in general, and in many cases in order to fund counseling that birthparents receive before and after the adoption. As you can imagine, this can be a difficult time for them, and they need all the support they can get.
While these fees are understandable, they can make adoption financially difficult for the average middle-class family. We were lucky: we sold a property and are using the proceeds to pay for adoption fees, and our employers both have adoption reimbursement programs that help subsidize the cost of adoption. And the government has an adoption tax credit. This tax credit, however, is scheduled to end this year. As a prospective adoptive parent, you can imagine that I'd like to see this continue. And having visited a lot of adoption message boards, and knowing what some adoptive parents have gone through to become parents, you can imagine that I want this available for them as well.
So I wrote to my Senator, Bob Casey. I explained that J and I were in the process of adopting, explained the fees that we were dealing with, and expressed the hope that he would support the extension of the tax credit.
Guess what--I heard back from him! It turns out he is sponsoring Senate bill S.2816, to increase the credit and to extend it to 2019. You can learn a little more about it here (including co-sponsors) and you can see Senator Casey's discussion of it here.
Maybe you'll read this and think, "Hmm, that's interesting, I didn't know about that." Maybe you'll want to learn more. Maybe you'll want to write to your senator and ask him or her to vote to extend the credit. It's up to you. I just wanted to write about it today.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
BIG NEWS on Don't Drink the Water
I've been wanting to talk about this, but we were waiting until we told our families first.
We are adopting!!!
That's right, Dr L and Mr L are adopting a baby. When, we don't know. It could be tomorrow, it could be next year. Which is a really strange feeling.
We are working with an adoption agency that specializes in domestic infant adoption. The agency operates in several states in our general region, and our son or daughter could come from any of those states. We first started talking to them about a year ago, and felt really comfortable with the social worker. She talked to us forever and answered all of our questions.
We applied to the agency in the spring, and started our homestudy shortly after that. The homestudy consisted of us filling out a lot of paperwork (including criminal background checks and FBI clearances), and writing and talking a lot about our lives, our marriage, and our relationships. We then put a profile together with pictures of ourselves and a letter to a potential birthfamily. We went active about a month ago, meaning our profile went out to all the offices where our agency operates. Any potential birthfamily can be presented with our profile, and may choose us to be parents for their child.
So now we wait. And try to resist buying everything baby-related that looks even remotely cute. And take a newborn care class. And read about feeding, and diapers, and sleep schedules. And think about baby registries. And wonder if we should schedule that vacation in September, because we may get a call then. Or already have a baby in our home.
I know this blog thing is a mostly one-way proposition, but if you have any questions about adoption, or how we got here, feel free to leave a comment. I'll be happy to answer it. I am inspired by my friend Amy, who has a foster son and LOVES talking about adoption to people! I want to be just like her ;)
We are adopting!!!
That's right, Dr L and Mr L are adopting a baby. When, we don't know. It could be tomorrow, it could be next year. Which is a really strange feeling.
We are working with an adoption agency that specializes in domestic infant adoption. The agency operates in several states in our general region, and our son or daughter could come from any of those states. We first started talking to them about a year ago, and felt really comfortable with the social worker. She talked to us forever and answered all of our questions.
We applied to the agency in the spring, and started our homestudy shortly after that. The homestudy consisted of us filling out a lot of paperwork (including criminal background checks and FBI clearances), and writing and talking a lot about our lives, our marriage, and our relationships. We then put a profile together with pictures of ourselves and a letter to a potential birthfamily. We went active about a month ago, meaning our profile went out to all the offices where our agency operates. Any potential birthfamily can be presented with our profile, and may choose us to be parents for their child.
So now we wait. And try to resist buying everything baby-related that looks even remotely cute. And take a newborn care class. And read about feeding, and diapers, and sleep schedules. And think about baby registries. And wonder if we should schedule that vacation in September, because we may get a call then. Or already have a baby in our home.
I know this blog thing is a mostly one-way proposition, but if you have any questions about adoption, or how we got here, feel free to leave a comment. I'll be happy to answer it. I am inspired by my friend Amy, who has a foster son and LOVES talking about adoption to people! I want to be just like her ;)
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